You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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