I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
