Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
