Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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