Can Purell be used as lube?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
