Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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