His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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