Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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