Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I AM VODKA MAN
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
