Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
we're so committed to being not committed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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