take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
