You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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