After last night, I could never be a politician.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize