We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
