ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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