Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
