Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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