No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
