What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
