is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I love having hate sex.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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