I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
