and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
