i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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