He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
