I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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