I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
