It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
