I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
