i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
