I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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