420 ftw
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
