She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
