Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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