names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
