Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
