so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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