Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
