Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
