I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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