His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
