she kept yelling 'call me bella'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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