my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
