dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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