It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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