I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
