Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
