I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
