Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
