Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
