ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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