Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
