Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
