My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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