Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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