The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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