Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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