I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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