thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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